Go Down in Flames, Hack!*

We might get bought out or laid off. But that doesn't mean we have to do it nicely. In honor of all my colleagues who will soon join the -30- list, the Retch presents a way to resign in style.

The Hackinator:

Dear
Mr. Zell Beloved Partner Ignorant Greedhead clueless Zell croney in charge of HRPunk Ass Bitch,

It is with great
sadness Hulk-like rage confusion relief
that I ask you to accept this letter as my official resignation from the Tribune Co.

My last day here will be
the end of July tomorrow the best day of my life you fucking nincompoop , after which time I shall be taking a position
with Sitrick and Company in my parent's garage as a blogger dedicated to your destruction as a freelancer which doesn't require compromising my journalistic principles.

As you know, for some time now I have been desiring
more time with my family sanity a boss dedicated to fearless, hard hitting journalism freedom from feeling obliged to read Lee Abram's memos
and thus I feel the time has finally arrived for me to
move on take a new direction tell you to go fuck yourself, partner.

Of course, I would not be forthright if I failed to mention how much it
distressed sickened dumbfounded
me to see some of the moves management has announced in recent
weeks cloying emails Dostoevsky-length memos obscenity-laced town hall meetings .

For example, I found
Sam Zell's Philistinism Randy Michael's quislingosity Ed Wilson's naked greed pretty much everything Lee Abrams said and did
to be
unwise journalistically and economically disastrous unbelievably retarded.

Furthermore, as I have watched management squander once-valuable properties such as
the Los Angeles Times the Chicago Tribune the Baltimore Sun Newsday the South-Florida Sun Sentinel the Orlando Sentinel the Hartford Courant the Morning Call the Daily Press the good will of the news-reading public my pension whatever the hell the ESOP is, I have come to realize that management does not seem to fully understand
anything how to make a profit the newspaper business how to run a taco truck.

Thus, I am tendering my resignation as of today. If you would like me to sign a non-disclosure clause, I will be glad to do so, seeing as
there's nothing to disclose. Kevin already posted it Romenesko already posted Kevin's thing TellZell.com made fun of the thing on Romenesko it would make me weep to publicly recount your stupidity.

Sincerely, Regretfully, Whatever, douchebags,-30-

<br />YOUR NAME HERE<br />

* All glory to Mat Honan, a Wired writer who made this thing at http://yahoorezinr.com/. The Retch modified with his permission. And yes, I know it doesn't actually work when you hit the submit button. You want top-notch coding, go to Gizmodo. I'm just a hack.