Talk to the hand

This recent post got me thinking about Sam Zell and vanity.

Shortly after he bought the LA Times, Sam Zell sat down for lunch with soon-to-be-leaving Editorial Page chief Jim Newton, according to a story that filtered through the newsroom at the time. Why, Jim wanted to know, did Zell really buy these newspapers?

In response, Zell held his hands in front of him about six inches apart. "Without the LA Times, my dick is this big," Zell said. "And with the LA Times, it's this big," he said, moving his hands 12 inches apart.

The story was greeted in the newsroom with a mixture of hope and fear. Besides the obvious exaggerations, it was seen as a telling anecdote. On the one hand, it seemed good that Zell had his own important body parts so wrapped up in the success of the paper. On the other hand, how did he define success?

The answer to the success question became quickly obvious. Unlike Murdoch, as Alan Mutter noted here, Zell is all business, no media. He defines success by his P and L, by making the payments on his notes. If, in five years, the LA Times produces journalism like the Santa Barbara New Press now does, but makes payments like an ATM, Zell will consider himself a Big Man.

The Retch has decided it's our job to disabuse Zell of this Viagra vision. He needs to know that his success depends upon making this a great newspaper. He needs to know that journalism is first, and the business follows. He needs to know that his reputation in the pubic eye depends not on profit, but public service.

Basically, Sam needs to know, in terms he understands, that if we shrink, he shrinks. My suggestion follows, in the first drawing that the Retch has done since Kindergarten.

How about this for a symbol of the Rebellion? (I'm like Luke Skywalker now. Or whatever character is the chief rebel in that endless Star Wars series.)

Flash it whenever Zell enters a room with journalists. You could say, "Partner, this is how I see things." And do your hand like that.

Alternately, print and stick it up on a wall whenever Zell and his crew plan one of their town halls. Or wear it on a t-shirt!

Maybe they'll get the message.

Above crude image is licensed under Creative Commons or Gnu or whatever that IP crap is that lets you print anything anywhere and feel good about stealing.